This is my first article about grief, before, during and after someone you love passes from your life.
I started this section because for the last two or three years it has been on my mind. I have not written because I was going to keep this site all about beginner meditation. Well, I think I will take guidance from my heart and write about grief.
Today I write about my mother. She is dying – oh don’t get me wrong the doctors have not said so but she is wasting away. She is just skin and bones and a loving person in her frail abused and confused body. She is still my mother, she still gives me a big smile when I visit, but when I hug her I only feel her bones and frailty.
As she wastes away so much of life’s niceties are stripped away from our talks. I talk about people she knows and we look at old photos and now I bring in a sandwich for us to share every time I go to see her because all she eats now are tiny nibbles of her regular meals (heck – can’t really blame her – hospital food leaves a lot to be desired). She is not hungry but enjoys sharing a sandwich because it is a sharing of time and love. I wish people she loves and trust would go in to see her every day and share food with her. Of course that is because I want to keep her in this world longer. I don’t want to let her go, grief acceptance is slow to come to me.
There is so much I want to talk about but my story is so long, winding and (to me anyways) dramatic that I will leave each article with just one main thought.
When I went to see her last, she was shifting around in her wheelchair so I asked her if she was uncomfortable. She said “Yes but there is nothing you or I can do about it”.
She who is so often confused was crystal clear in that concept. At this point the discomfort is expected and a part of her letting go. Sorry folks wish I had a happy thought but this is it for today. There is nothing she or I can do about it, except the unspoken words were … accept it.
I love you Mom.