Relationship Meditation

Meditation for loneliness

Have you ever had a family or holiday celebration that made you feel lonely? I certainly remember a few of those. Today I give you a meditation to take an edge off the loneliness. The focus is to get more in touch with your own energy and power.

Before you begin, see if you can find a candle or two, they will be a part of the meditation.

Meditation of Light to Relieve Loneliness

Find a quiet spot, light the candle(s) and get comfortable.
Sit quietly watching the candle burn for 2 – 3 minutes. Take time to notice –
- The light from the candle, even if it is sunny outside it will still be brighter than the surrounding area. Notice everything you can about the light, for example does it flicker, or burn bright, does it leave reflections or shadows, and so on.
- Notice if the candle has an aroma.
- Sense the warmth from the candle.

(Focusing on the candle draws your attention away from emotions and allows room for you to expand into a different focus.)

Close your eyes, and see the candle in your imagination.
Now it is time to relax deeper into the meditation. With your eyes closed –
- Imagine the warmth of the candle is beginning to make you FEEL warmer. The warmth is making you feel more relaxed.
- Take a slow deep breath, and imagine you are breathing in clean pure light from the candle. Sense how the light (air) you are breathing makes you feel. Does it make you feel lighter and brighter, or maybe calmer more content? I find I feel different sensations at different times.
- Take several more deep breaths imagining that your breath is warming and relaxing you from the inside out. Continue breathing in this warm comforting relaxation for 2-5 minutes.
- Now bring your imagination to yourself –
  - Imagine there is a line of light that runs through your body from the top of your head to a little bit in front of your tailbone.
  - Know that this light is your own pure essential energy. It is pure, clean and bright.
  - Bring your attention to the centre of your head just behind your eyes. Here is a place where you can find fleeting moments of absolute quiet where there are no words, just you being you with all your senses alive.
  - Stay here for a couple of minutes. Every time a thought comes up just let it happen and go back to the quietness without following the thought. (I find that the part of my brain that uses language is rather overactive so I have to keep bringing my attention back to the quietness over and over)
- Now imagine that the brightness from that line of energy is expanding to fill your whole body.
  - Sense a feeling of wholeness, of completeness as your own energy fills you. Continue breathing slowly and deeply as you do this.
  - Stay here as long as you need, sensing your pure energy filling and warming you from the inside out.
  - As you stay with this sensation KNOW that you are enough, FEEL that you are enough. You ARE enough. (focusing on your own energy and filling yourself with it makes it easier to release any wants, needs or feelings of lack)
- Once you feel saturated, filled with your own energy (a minute or two may be enough, or you may want to stay with this for as much as 10 – 15 minutes) slowly open your eyes and take a few moments to linger in the enjoyment of the sensation of wholeness and completeness.

Know that you can come back to this feeling of wholeness at any time.

Leave a comment below if you find this useful, or if you would like to share with us any meditations or visualizations you have used to bring yourself a feeling of completion.

To your health and happiness!

by Totally Meditation on 4 Comments

Dealing With Pushy People

We all know someone who is too bossy. You know the one – they know exactly what you should do when you should do it and how you should do it. Sometimes they may even be right, but it is hard to agree with someone like that.

How do you deal with these people? Below is a visualization technique to help you to stay “grounded” in the presence of pushy people. Practice this visualization a few times first so it is easy to remember and use when you are confronted with a bossy person.

I find this visualization works best when I take a moment to really picture and feel as though it were real. You will likely have a few moments to do this because most of the pushy people I know also talk a lot. 🙂

When you sense someone is going to get pushy with you, breath deep and IMAGINE …

You are like a tree, strong and flexible.

You have a deep, wide, strong system of roots that anchors you to the earth and to your own good sense. This system of roots helps you to pull energy, strength and calmness from the earth.

Draw strength from those roots.

As you breath in, imagine you are pulling energy and calmness up from the earth. Let the person’s words flow past you, like a breeze flowing past a tree. There is no need to react with fear or anger because you are so well rooted that their words can’t hurt you let alone blow you over.

Imagine yourself as being so confident in your ability to make your own good decisions that you can be objective about what that person is saying. Instead of reacting with anger or fear, you are able to hear what they say without judgement.

See yourself as being so calm that you can pick out (and keep) any good information they give you. Let everything else flow right past you. Their emotions and judgement are their problems, not yours.

Of course they will probably expect you to respond. Before you do, take a deep calming breath and respond in a firm calm manner. (Practice this. Before I learned to say no with calm certainty people kept pushing me to do things their way. Once I learned to say no with confidence I was surprised at how often people actually accept no when I act like I really mean it.)

Some example phrases you could use as is or change to suit your situation:

If there is some merit in what they are saying but you require time to think about it

“Thank you, I will take that into consideration.”
“That is an idea that I will certainly consider, thank you for pointing it out to me”

If it is something you know is inappropriate for you

“Thank you for pointing this out to me. I have considered that and I don’t feel that it is in my best interests.”

If it is something you know is inappropriate for you but they won’t accept your no – how about

“I will think about it.” You are not saying you will comply with their wishes only that you will think about it 🙂 This buys you some time to think of a good response that will make it perfectly clear that you will not comply with their wishes.
“I will think about it and get back to you.” This give you time to practice saying no in a calm no-nonsense manner before you get back to them.

Often a simple no thank you (repeated as often as needed) will deter a determined sales person. In this case less is more because a good sales person likely has a practiced argument for whatever reason you give them for not buying their product.

You notice I usually say thank you. Those two little words can help diffuse a tense situation because it lets the other person know that you recognize they gave you something (even if it was something you didn’t want). Bossy people are often trying to help you but don’t have the personal skills to give information and advice in a more helpful manner.

If the person has a habit of pushing you around you will likely have to use this technique quite a few times before they realize that you no longer give in to their every wish, persistence is key.

Please note – if the person is someone close to you and they start to become aggressive you may want to consider other techniques and/or professional counseling to help you in this matter.

I hope you find this technique as useful as I do!

by Totally Meditation on 2 Comments

Meditate With Your Child – Releasing Anger And Resentment

Sometimes telling your child to “run around the block” when they are angry works wonders, but wouldn’t it be great if your child learned another way to calm themselves down?

Meditate with your child to help him/her to calm down after a stressful situation. It is a self help tool you can teach them to help them calm themselves. This is more appropriate for older children.

Allow approximately 4 – 7 minutes for this meditation.

The Meditation – Before you start

Find a place to do this meditation that will feel safe for your child
Turn off things that are distracting like the TV and radio
Let your child know that you are going to do a meditation together. If they want to know what a meditation is you can say that it is something you think might help them to feel better
Before you start speaking take a couple of deep breaths yourself so that your voice sounds calm, not rushed.
In between each step take a breath. This will help to pace the meditation so that each instruction has a chance to be understood and processed by your child. It also gives you time to read the next instruction before you speak it 😉

What follows is a sample “script” of words you can use to lead your child through the meditation. Please feel free to change some of the words to better match your child’s situation. What your child imagines as they breath out (and in) would depend on what they are feeling. Keep the wording simple, this makes it easier for your child to duplicate the meditation if they choose to try it on their own.

The Meditation – What to say

Sit with your feet on the floor and your hands open on your lap
Close your eyes
Take a nice l-o-n-g BIG breath and let it out
Take another nice l-o-n-g BIG breath and blow it out
Take one more HUGE big breath in and as you blow out, imagine that all your anger gets blown out of you when you blow out the air!
Take a great BIG breath in and imagine you are breathing in a nice feeling of quietness (Repeat this process of breathing out what they don’t want and breathing in what they do want at least three times, more if it seems to be helping)
Breath in some more of that nice quietness one more time before you open your eyes
Now open your eyes

After The Meditation

Let your child know that they can do this on their own when they are feeling angry (or whatever the feeling is that is bothering them).
Ask your child what they thought about the meditation.
- Don’t be too surprised if they come up with comments like “why do I have to close my eyes” or “you talk too fast (or too slow)”. This is a new process for them so comments and questions about the act of meditating are just as likely as comments about how the meditation made them feel.
- Listen to what they have to say and answer questions that come up
- Also don’t be too surprised if they don’t really have anything to say, they may not really know what to think of it yet 🙂

Depending on your child’s response you could

Set up another time to practice this together again in a couple of days. Practicing when they are not in distress makes it easier for them to remember the steps so they can try it by themselves later.
If you feel it was beneficial you could set up a regular practice schedule. Although the purpose is for your child to learn a self help technique, it can be calming if you lead them through it so they don’t have to do anything except follow what you say.

Important note – if you think there may be a more serious underlying problem you may want to consider talking with your doctor or a counsellor to learn other coping techniques.

by Totally Meditation on 2 Comments

Boundary Meditation – Dealing with Angry People

It is amazing how quickly being around an angry person can make me angry. When I see an angry person headed my way I have to take a deep breath and remind myself to be objective. I don’t have to react with anger just because they are angry.

I try to imagine their words are like a present hidden in garbage. By listening objectively I can unwrap the useful information and discard the garbage 😉

This helps me be more objective so I can recognize the useful information hiding in what they are saying. For example if a friend tells me “You know what drives me nuts about you?” I know it is time to take a deep breath and listen calmly.

Afterwards I find a quiet place do a visualization meditation. Here is one I find useful for helping me release emotions I have taken on from other people –

Sit down, close your eyes put your feet flat on the ground and your hands open in your lap. Take a couple of nice deep breaths and …

Imagine a column of pure clean energy runs from your tailbone to the top our your head. This is your own energy, pure clean and unadulterated. Spend a moment to enjoy the this quiet space, release thoughts as they come up.

Now imagine light is radiating outward from this column of energy, filling up your whole body and then the space around you (to about a 18″ outside of your body). Sense tension dropping away from you as you fill up this space with your own light.

Spend as long as you need to, sensing your energy filling you and surrounding you, releasing negative emotions, and any thoughts that come up.

As you fill yourself up with your own energy notice yourself becoming calmer as everything else drops away. Your own energy becomes so bright there is no room for other people’s emotions.

Once you have practiced this a few times it will become easier to release emotions you have taken on from other people.

This is just one meditation for handling angry people. It is a topic that I am sure to come back to again.

To your Health!
Connie

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Meditation with other people

Yesterday I spent some wonderful time in meditation with 2 other people. This has prompted me to include a new section about group meditation.

I find that spending time in meditation with other people can be a very enjoyable experience.

Being with other people who are participating with me in something I love enhances my feeling of connectedness. (I wonder if this is why so many people are drawn towards religion in general; most religions I am familiar with have an element of community.)
Having a few minutes after the meditation session to discuss what came up for us (for people who WANT to share. Forced sharing seems counter productive) can be enlightening.
For people who have trouble “finding the time” to meditate it can be very useful to have a specific time and place to meet. It adds a social element and incentive to practice.

How do you find people to meditate with?

Your community may have night classes held in Secondary or Post-Secondary schools. You could check with your local school board to find what is available in your area.
Some Churches offer meditation sessions, either as a separate group activity or as a part of the Church service. This may mean becoming involved with another church in addition to your regular one.
There are a lot of groups to be found on various social media sites. You could try checking out meetup.com, linkedin.com or facebook.com as a starting point.

Personally, my first choice would be seeing if my local School Board offers meditation classes. My assumption is that the instructor would have gone through at least a basic screening process in order to be accepted as an instructor.

Relationship Meditation

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