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The Rewards of Self Love Meditation

words take care of youself show self love idea

The Rewards of a Self Love Meditation

In the whole wide world, there has never been anyone who is exactly the same as you. There is no one who has exactly the same thoughts and feelings or exactly the same approach to life that you do. You are unique – someone who can never, ever be replicated. There are times when this feels amazing. There are other times when this feels like the worst thing in the world. The period surrounding Valentine’s Day can be one of the latter if you’re alone and don’t have anyone special around to let you know how very much you’re loved.

Questioning what’s wrong with you is a common response

It’s tempting at those times to dwell on what’s lacking in you as an individual if you don’t have a partner with whom to celebrate this day where romantic love reigns supreme. We all lack a little confidence at times, some people more than others, and some more often because of various life experiences they’ve gone through. Often we live our lives portraying confidence on the outside, while on the inside we believe it’s nothing but a facade. This detracts from our feelings of authenticity, making us feel unworthy or undeserving of love. All is not lost when we find ourselves in this kind of self-defeating mindset, however. A meditative approach can change the way we think and approach issues such as lack of self-love and self-confidence.

For a minute, imagine what would happen if you took a more compassionate attitude towards yourself? Instead of beating yourself up and making harsh judgments about your physical, mental and emotional attributes detach from the negative thoughts that are the cause of so much of your distress. Instead, meditate on feelings of love and compassion for yourself as the living, breathing, miracle you are. You are able to cultivate the confidence to let your individuality shine, achieve your goals and develop the courage to go out and enjoy life! Focus on any and all joys your current life brings; magnify the intensity and importance of the little things you like about yourself and your life. Meditating on a regular basis can help with this.

Benefits of self-love meditation

Studies have shown that engaging in meditation on a regular basis can:

  • reduce the tendencies that some of us have toward self-criticism
  • lead to positive growth in our confidence to show others who we really are
  • enable us to view any periods in which we feel inadequate or not up to a task as fleeting instead of permanent
  • reduce anxiety, depression and other forms of suffering that can arise from feeling we are not ‘enough’
  • increase the amount of compassion we feel for ourselves and for others

A regular meditation practice can help increase our feelings of connectedness to the rest of the world and lessen feelings of sadness and isolation associated with spending time on our own. It can help us:

  • experience positive emotions on a more regular and lasting basis
  • to more easily get over experiences that we view negatively
  • become more sociable, compassionate and generous
  • become more aware of things that occupy our attention and focus

Change is possible

The good news is that your past doesn’t have to be your future! Recent studies have shown that the circuits in the brain for self-love and well-being are enhanced by meditation and respond wonderfully to training. Even better, these changes start to occur after only two weeks of regular meditative practice. The end result is that you can be happier, more confident and feel less stressed. Feeling more positive about yourself and your life in turn extends that compassion and love out into the world as an authentic extension of who you are.

If this time of the year is a challenge for you, please, take heart in the knowledge that focusing on self-love will allow you to tap into knowledge that’s hidden deep down in your core: you don’t need to be anybody else except your beautiful, authentic self. By adopting a regular meditative practice, you can treat yourself with the love that you wish someone else would bestow on you, embracing yourself and your life with new eyes and a compassionate approach that will make even the little things so much more enjoyable. This Valentine’s Day, I invite you to give yourself the most wonderful gift you possibly can as an expression of how incredibly worthy you are – the gift of self-love and self-compassion.

If you’re unsure what to look for in a meditation teacher or how to choose a class that’s right for you, please see the ‘Start Here’ page.

References
1. Davidson, R. J., & Schuyler, B. S. (2015). Neuroscience of happiness. In J.F. Helliwell, R. Layard, & J. Sachs (Eds.), World Happiness (Chapter 5). New York, NY: The Earth Institute, Columbia University.

2. Crescentini, C., & Capurso, V. (2015). Mindfulness meditation and explicit and implicit indicators of personality and self-concept changes. Frontiers in Psychology, 6, 44. http://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00044

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Loving Family Expectation Free

How to Love Free From Expectations

family arguingFamily…we’ve all got one, and there is a good chance they drive you a bit crazy now and then. So what can you do in those moments when you’ve been dragged into the middle of yet another argument between two family members? Or have been asked for, and given advice for, the fifteenth time to your cousin who never takes it? What about when your partner has not held up their end of the housework for the second time in one week?

You could let your stress and frustration levels get the best of you likely further aggravating the situation with hurtful words or actions. Or, you could cultivate an objective attitude by approaching the situation based on facts and an open mind rather than feelings or opinions.

When you remove the negative thoughts and feelings (like frustration or anxiety) from the equation  and instead look at things objectively, it becomes easier to handle things in a calm manner, and in turn make better decisions. However, this is often easier said than done as we often let our past emotions cloud our ability to think objectively about someone. In other words, when you’re angry, frustrated, sad, etcetera, it’s very hard to stop, listen to the facts, and remain open-minded.

Elizabeth R. Thornton, author of The Objective Leader: How to Leverage the Power of Seeing Things As They Are, recommends doing the following the next time you feel your emotions start to override your ability to think objectively:

Realize that Objectivity Has Its Limits

No one is 100 percent objective and once you realize that you aren’t inherently objective, it will be easier to take the steps you need to make yourself better at maintaining an objective viewpoint in your interactions with family.

Be Aware Of Your Triggers

We all have moments when no matter how hard we try it’s VERY hard to think rationally or objectively. You can think of these situations as your triggers. Having the self-awareness to identify what these triggers are in advance will help you to act in a positive manner rather than react automatically in a negative manner.

For example, when you know that a conversation with your spouse about chores is going to “make your blood boil” you can address the feelings in advance of the actual situation so that you can remain objective in the “heat of the moment” rather than starting an argument. For example, if the feelings about the situation make you feel wound up and ready to burst, go for a run instead. Or, you could write your feelings out in a letter rather than releasing them in a verbal outburst (it is helpful to reread the letter when you feel calm and decide then whether you will actually deliver it, revise it or just let it alone).

Ask for Input

One of the best ways to become more objective is to ask for the opinions of others, specifically regarding how their views differ from yours. The best people to ask for this opinion are often those who care most about you. They will likely give you this advice in a way you will pay attention to.  Ask questions like “Here’s what I’m seeing. Do you see it differently?”

When you talk through a situation, you will begin to understand how to accept your loved ones they way they are, rather than the way you perceive them to be. When you understand their behaviour, you will be less likely to overreact to situations.

Don’t Let Your Personality Get the Best of You

This is especially important if you’re naturally a people pleaser as this personality type is prone to making decisions based at least in part on a desire to avoid conflict or unpleasantness with others.

By taking the steps above, it will become easier to see what is “good” or “bad” in a given situation without adding your past anger or emotions into the mix. You will become calmer and make healthier decisions in stressful situations.

Having an objective attitude is good for not only managing bad expectations of a family member, but also for managing the good. When you have high expectations and the other person doesn’t come through (i.e. you’ve asked your sister who is a baker to make an important birthday cake but the cake turned out all wrong) it can trigger a cascade of unpleasant emotions. On the flip side, when you have very low expectations it can cause friction in an already stressful relationship, as you automatically expect the worst from that person. For example if you expect someone to be insulting, you are more likely to interpret things they say as being insulting even when no insult is intended.

Make this the year that you love your family for who they are, quirks and all, rather than who you would like them to be. We can’t always pick our family but we can certainly pick how we manage our expectations of them.

To your objective attitude – Anna

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The Power of Positive Affirmations

Positive Affirmations:
A New Kind of New Year’s Resolution

someone writing the words positive affirmations

Year after year, I promise that I’m going to get in shape and I’m good for a few weeks. I eat right and I exercise. But then my old bad habits creep in and I end up feeling crummy about myself and drowning my sorrows with junk food. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we set ourselves up for failure year after year? My guess….we’re seriously lacking in the practice of positive affirmations.

This year set yourself up to succeed! Build yourself up through the power of positive affirmations. When you make a positive affirmation you are confirming to yourself that a positive trait about yourself is true. For example, you are telling yourself that you are beautiful or that you are smart (or both!). The more you say these affirmations, the more you believe them.

Over time they replace any limiting or negative beliefs you hold about yourself. These new positive thoughts and beliefs instill confidence, allowing you to control how you feel about yourself rather than believing what others say or what you have convinced yourself is true.

Constructing a Positive Affirmation

Step 1: Figuring out what positive affirmation to practice.

A great way to narrow it down is to make a list of what you’ve always thought of as your negative qualities. Include on your list not just what you see as negative qualities but also what others may have instilled upon you.

Examine the list for any common themes. This will help you identify where a positive affirmation is most needed. Pay attention to how your body feels as you make this list – for example, does a certain quality you’ve identified cause knots in your stomach? Does another cause you to have a headache? The physical manifestation of your negative qualities can be quite telling, as we will touch on below.

Step 2: Writing a positive affirmation.

Now that you’ve identified where the affirmation is most needed, it’s time to write out a positive affirmation (or phrase) to counterbalance the negative one. For example, if a common theme on your list was unworthiness, you could write out “I’m worthy”. Make the affirmation powerful – for example, “I’m remarkable and cherished” versus simply “I’m worthy”. After you’ve written your affirmation out, ask a family member or friend to review it to see if they can make it even stronger.

Step 3: Say the affirmation.

Repeat the affirmation out loud multiple times during the day – for example, when you are putting on your makeup or shaving in the morning. You can also write your affirmation down. Does your writing style change over time? For example, if you’ve gone from a hasty scribble to neat printing, it could be that your mind too has changed in how it perceives the trait, going from not 100% convinced or accepting (as evidenced by the hasty scribble) to 110% convinced and very accepting (the neat printing).

Step 4: Anchor the positive thought in your body.

As you repeat the thought place your hand on the area that felt uncomfortable in Step 1 (i.e. your stomach). “Breathe” the thought in while you are saying or writing it. As you reprogram your mind to accept the positive words you speak or write you want to make the affirmation feel real, which is why it’s important to both physically and emotionally feel the change in your body. Does your stomach feel better after you say something positive rather than negative about yourself? Has your headache gone away?

Step 5: Ask someone close to you to say the affirmation to you.

Asking someone you trust (a friend, a coach, or even your own reflection) to repeat the affirmation back to you reinforces the healthy message. It can be powerful to hear someone you trust repeat this message to you.

Examples of Positive Affirmations

Here are three examples with a focus on mindfulness:

  • “I can focus my thoughts as I choose.”
  • “I am not my circumstances, nor my history. I am now.”
  • “I let go of the old and make room for the new.”

This third affirmation is a great one to keep in mind when setting any resolutions, big or small, for the New Year. We encourage you let go of any old negative mindsets you had about yourself and to replace them with only positive ones through the power of affirmation.

Make this the year you build yourself up!

To your new beginnings – Anna

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Tips for a Successful Meditation Practice

New Year, New Habit:
Tips for a Successful Meditation Practice

Now that tsign says good habitshe dust has settled after all the New Year’s celebrations, it’s a great time to think about trying something new on for size this year that will benefit both your mental and physical health, all year long. We’re talking about meditation, and I am going to share with you tips for a successful meditation practice. Meditation has been shown to keep you stress free, reduce the effects of aging, improve brain functioning, improve sleep, boost metabolism, and more.

So what’s the best way to start a new meditation routine?

Why is meditation important to you?

Determine ahead of time exactly what you expect to get from meditation, and why it is important to you personally. Knowing ahead of time why you meditate gives you something to draw on when you feel like skipping out on it. Write this down so if you start to fall off the meditation bandwagon so to speak, you have a good reminder of why you started in the first place.

Set up a designated meditation area.

An ideal space is one that is quiet, clean, uncluttered, has natural light, and has paint colors that are reflective of a calm mood. This place could be indoors or outdoors. Elements of nature can be a welcome addition to a meditation space as well. Think plants, seashells, or a small water fountain. Music can also really help in setting a zen-like mood. We typically recommend quiet music without lyrics to help you feel calm. Personal touches like aromatherapy, chimes, candles, and crystals can also help transition you into a meditative state. Remember to remove any distractions like the TV and your phone.

Time it for success.

Now that you have a relaxing and serene place to retreat to, it’s time to think of the days and times that will work best for you to meditate. It could be the weekends or early mornings before work. It really depends on your personal schedule. There is no right or wrong time to meditate.

Also consider how much time you have free for each session (for example, one day you may have 30 minutes free, another day you may only have 10 minutes you can set aside). Write this down somewhere that is easy to see (i.e. on the fridge) so you are reminded throughout the week of your designated meditation day(s) and time(s).

Start small and build up.

As with any new habit, tackle your new meditation practice a little bit at a time, and complete every practice. It will take discipline but you don’t need to be an expert at it right away. Practice for short periods of time to start with to ease into it. It is easier to allow yourself to step outside of your comfort zone even if you’re bored or restless if you it is only for a short time.

Pick something you will enjoy.

Choosing a meditation that you will actually enjoy (i.e. breathing meditations, visualizing with a pre-recorded meditation, moving mediation) will make you more likely you will stick with it today, tomorrow, and in the future. Here is a great article to give you a few more ideas of types of meditation you could choose.

Build some flexibility into your new routine.

Allow yourself to be fluid in some aspects of your practice, for example, if you feel like meditating longer than you normally do, then do. If you want to meditate in a different place or at a different time then you normally do, go right ahead! Allow yourself to play with it. While having a routine is valuable for building success into your practice, allowing yourself to experiment and play will keep it fresh. After all, it has been said that the spiritual path is mainly an inclination of the heart towards the mystery of life so don’t second guess it if you want to mix things up a bit!

All that’s left now is to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, and PRACTICE! If you need help getting started with your meditation practice let us know. We offer classes, guided meditations, and helpful articles like this one.

To your inner peace – Anna

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Grounding Meditation mp3 2

Grounding Meditation mp3 for drawing up strength

woman standing in front of a huge tree shows the concept of pulling up strength by using a technique called grounding
woman standing in front of a huge tree shows the concept of pulling up strength by using a technique called grounding

This Grounding Meditation mp3 outlines a valuable technique to help you draw up emotional strength in times of need. It is a potent visualization technique that once practiced a few times can be used in stressful situations to bolster your confidence and release anxiety.

I hope you enjoy this 10 minute audio. You can download it to your computer for future reference by right clicking on the player below and choosing “save as”

 

 

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Grounding Meditation mp3 1

Grounding Meditation mp3 for releasing anxiety

Big tree shows idea of how Grounding meditation mp3 makes you feelThis Grounding Meditation mp3 was recorded quite a long time ago in my first recorded meditation session. It covers visualization techniques for releasing anxiety and emotions that cause you problems.

I hope you enjoy this 11 minute audio. You can download it to your computer for future reference by right clicking on the player below and choosing “save as”