Family

Benefits of Being Grateful – Mother’s Day Gratitude

On Sunday we celebrate mothers around the world. Mothers who have raised countless sons, daughters, step-daughters and step-sons, and sometimes even grandchildren. We will celebrate their strength, courage, and resilience in tackling what is one of the hardest “jobs” in the world. But most importantly, we will be grateful and appreciative for everything they have done for us throughout our lives. And being grateful is an amazing thing, not only for our relationships with our own mothers, but also for our own personal well-being. Being grateful can do wonders for our own positive mindset and levels of happiness.

In their bestselling book “How We Choose to Be Happy – The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People”  authors Rick Foster and Greg Hicks provide proof of this very fact. After interviewing extremely happy people in all 50 US states, 7 continents, and over 40 countries, one of the traits that continually stood out was appreciation.

And hand in hand with that is what behaviorists have long been saying which is that the happiest people don’t fit the traditional view of having an “unmovable happiness set-point” (in other words naturally happy or unhappy). If anything, through practices like yoga and gratitude meditation, your “happiness set-point” can be whatever you want it to be, regardless of your situation. The mystic Rumi once said “Work in the invisible world as least as hard as you do in the visible.” The invisible world lives within you as beliefs and attitudes and that’s where lasting happiness lives.

Not only will your “happiness set-point” be raised through gratitude, you’ll also:

Feel more connected

This can be extremely helpful if you’re estranged from your mother or a wall has been built up between the two of you for whatever reason.

Boost your health

Studies show that those who are grateful  often feel less pain, go to the doctor less often, have lower blood pressure, improved immune system, and are less likely to develop a mental disorder.

Improve your emotional equilibrium

Instead of being happy one minute, sad the next, angry after that, and everything in between, practicing gratitude helps you balance out how you feel and keep it consistent.

Be able to sleep better and longer

When you’re constantly worried at bedtime about your marriage, finances, work, or kids, the level of stress in your body will not only keep you awake, it will also likely cut your sleep short. However, when you replace the feelings of stress with feelings of gratitude, it will induce the relaxation response, setting you up for a night of sound sleep. This in turn will help boost your overall energy levels during your waking hours.

Become more attractive to those around you and feel more confident

When you are practicing gratitude, you naturally become nicer, more trusting, and more social, traits not lost on those around you who will in turn reciprocate with similar feelings. How’s that for a great self-esteem boost?

Bounce back easier from difficulties

When you practice gratitude you naturally have a more pro-active coping style, leading you to seek out help in times when life gets challenging. In other words, you become more resilient.

So this Mother’s Day, make being grateful a big part of your day, because not only will you probably get a shower of appreciation back from your mom, you’ll also reap some pretty great physical and emotion benefits along the way.

To raising your happiness set-point to the highest it can be – Anna

References
Amin, Amit. May 2016. “The 31 Benefits of Gratitude You Didn’t Know About: How Gratitude Can Change Your Life.”

How to Love Free From Expectations

Family…we’ve all got one, and there is a good chance they drive you a bit crazy now and then. So what can you do in those moments when you’ve been dragged into the middle of yet another argument between two family members? Or have been asked for, and given advice for, the fifteenth time to your cousin who never takes it? What about when your partner has not held up their end of the housework for the second time in one week?

You could let your stress and frustration levels get the best of you likely further aggravating the situation with hurtful words or actions. Or, you could cultivate an objective attitude by approaching the situation based on facts and an open mind rather than feelings or opinions.

When you remove the negative thoughts and feelings (like frustration or anxiety) from the equation  and instead look at things objectively, it becomes easier to handle things in a calm manner, and in turn make better decisions. However, this is often easier said than done as we often let our past emotions cloud our ability to think objectively about someone. In other words, when you’re angry, frustrated, sad, etcetera, it’s very hard to stop, listen to the facts, and remain open-minded.

Elizabeth R. Thornton, author of The Objective Leader: How to Leverage the Power of Seeing Things As They Are, recommends doing the following the next time you feel your emotions start to override your ability to think objectively:

Realize that Objectivity Has Its Limits

No one is 100 percent objective and once you realize that you aren’t inherently objective, it will be easier to take the steps you need to make yourself better at maintaining an objective viewpoint in your interactions with family.

Be Aware Of Your Triggers

We all have moments when no matter how hard we try it’s VERY hard to think rationally or objectively. You can think of these situations as your triggers. Having the self-awareness to identify what these triggers are in advance will help you to act in a positive manner rather than react automatically in a negative manner.

For example, when you know that a conversation with your spouse about chores is going to “make your blood boil” you can address the feelings in advance of the actual situation so that you can remain objective in the “heat of the moment” rather than starting an argument. For example, if the feelings about the situation make you feel wound up and ready to burst, go for a run instead. Or, you could write your feelings out in a letter rather than releasing them in a verbal outburst (it is helpful to reread the letter when you feel calm and decide then whether you will actually deliver it, revise it or just let it alone).

Ask for Input

One of the best ways to become more objective is to ask for the opinions of others, specifically regarding how their views differ from yours. The best people to ask for this opinion are often those who care most about you. They will likely give you this advice in a way you will pay attention to.  Ask questions like “Here’s what I’m seeing. Do you see it differently?”

When you talk through a situation, you will begin to understand how to accept your loved ones they way they are, rather than the way you perceive them to be. When you understand their behaviour, you will be less likely to overreact to situations.

Don’t Let Your Personality Get the Best of You

This is especially important if you’re naturally a people pleaser as this personality type is prone to making decisions based at least in part on a desire to avoid conflict or unpleasantness with others.

By taking the steps above, it will become easier to see what is “good” or “bad” in a given situation without adding your past anger or emotions into the mix. You will become calmer and make healthier decisions in stressful situations.

Having an objective attitude is good for not only managing bad expectations of a family member, but also for managing the good. When you have high expectations and the other person doesn’t come through (i.e. you’ve asked your sister who is a baker to make an important birthday cake but the cake turned out all wrong) it can trigger a cascade of unpleasant emotions. On the flip side, when you have very low expectations it can cause friction in an already stressful relationship, as you automatically expect the worst from that person. For example if you expect someone to be insulting, you are more likely to interpret things they say as being insulting even when no insult is intended.

Make this the year that you love your family for who they are, quirks and all, rather than who you would like them to be. We can’t always pick our family but we can certainly pick how we manage our expectations of them.

To your objective attitude – Anna

We’re all so plugged in these days. Everywhere you look someone is on a phone, on a tablet, or sitting in front of a computer screen. Technology has replaced face to face communication in almost every way imaginable. It’s even gone as far as replacing the quality time that we used to spend with family. With the holiday season fast approaching, now is the perfect time to grab hold of that cord and unplug it! Focus instead on the loved ones around you.

The easiest way to do this is to be present in the moment of Christmas, rather than just going through the motions. For example, the next time your kooky aunt suggests a tacky Christmas sweater get-together, really put some thought into selecting that sweater and appreciate what it means to have that time as a family to laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Instead of thinking of it as a chore, appreciate the people you are with and take the time to be thankful of the effort and thought your aunt has put into the event.

Here are a few other ways to unplug and stay present with those you love during this holiday season:

• Embrace Christmas carols: Instead of rolling your eyes when you hear them (over and over again) at the mall, actually take the time to listen to the lyrics and appreciate them. Challenge your family members to a sing-along or rent a karaoke machine and have a Christmas carol sing-off.
  
• Welcome back your inner child: The next time it snows enjoy it before you rush out to shovel it all away. Notice how it looks, feels, and the smell that lingers in the air with it. Invite your family to take a walk in it and make an effort to really take in the winter wonderland around you (the ice on the trees, the sound of falling snow, and the crunch of your footprints in the snow). Live in the moment and savor it. Then challenge everyone to a snowball fight before you go inside!
  
• Have a movie night: Grab some blankets, pillows, some hot chocolate, and popcorn and settle in for a night in front of the fire with your favorite movies and favorite people. Turn off all outside distractions and focus only on what’s in front of you: the movie and your loved ones.
  
• Write Christmas cards with care: Instead of just scrawling “Love, XYZ” after the pre-printed message, take the time to include a few words about why you love and appreciate the recipient of the card. Show gratitude for what they have done for you. Write cards for those that are no longer with you to help you live in the moment and accept the way things are now. Write a card for yourself reminding yourself of all the good things happening in that moment in your life. Keep it somewhere close by for when you need a reminder of what is important in the here and now. As you write them, be mindful of holding the pen, of your muscles moving to create the words, and the feeling of writing your feelings on paper.
  
• Volunteer your time: Volunteering with a local charity, or even just doing a charitable act like feeding the ducks at the local park, will give you a sense of wellbeing that outshines any gift you may receive. It will also remind you of what the true meaning of giving is and how the holiday is about so much more than lavish presents.
  
• Try some mini mindfulness meditations: The holiday season can be stressful and you can only be truly present if you are inwardly calm. Here’s a quick mindfulness meditation we recommend: Being Present

This holiday season give your loved ones the present of you being present with them, instead of stuck behind a screen. Turn your phone off, put your tablet away, and take the time to reconnect with those that really matter. Your electronics will still be there in the new year.

To your inner peace – Anna